Lost willingness

I feel as if I am at the tail end of my career.. whatever that might be. I dropped in to Jac and Dave's this evening with a copy of the SoB book for Jac, and we had a chat about not being motivated or stimulated by our work. She coined the phrase: "Lost our willingness to work," which I think is true - but to qualify this, I would say that I have lost my willingness to work on things which do not interest or stimulate me.

I think this is the reason why I have been in this strangely detached frame of mind of late - a fairly depressed feeling of biding time until something grand happens. Or waiting for the opportunity for this grand thing to happen. I feel as if I am unable to progress with my plans for this thing whilst working full time and having 9 hours a day committed to the job. And I'm starting to resent this... even if my 8-4.30pm job does pay the bills and provide me with a disposable income.

I had thought before that if I did not think about it - if I stopped reflecting and obsessing about it - that it would go away. That I could think myself out of this feeling. It usually works - when I follow the principles which I have learned and taught myself - but this one feels different. It won't go away - this need to want time to be creative. So it must be bigger than I thought, and if it's this big, I should acknowledge and act on it.

Which I have, with the plan to move to part time work. I will just have to wait until August.