Running on empty?

This blog has become part confessional, part journal. I don't update it often, and only when there are intellectual and emotional matters pressing.

I've had dreams characterised by scenarios of frustration and grief of late. Last night, again, twin dreams - one of feelings of powerlessness and the inability to convince others who seem convinced otherwise, the other marked by feelings of grief at a passing of an acquaintance. Dreams like these, the scenarios which unfold within them, are the figuration of more sub-conscious thoughts and feelings, made 'real' by the visual and experiential language of dreams. But, for the life of me, I'm not sure what it is that they figure. Perhaps it's events that have been happening in the PIP community of late and the way I may have inadvertently internalised them, and made them personal; perhaps it's the busy, but mish-mashy work I've been doing on the photography side of things -- the highs, the humdrum and the lows of trying to make it as a part-time freelance photographer.

I've just been feeling very stretched lately, between PM work and this photography gig. It's as if my calendar is always full, always demanding that I do this, or be here, at such and such a time. It's beginning to feel wearying, draining, and I am starting to sense a lack of balance in my life. Plus, I'm still trying to decide where I stand in regards to the home-front issue, in regards to getting some rental income or to forsake this as I had planned, as an action of compassion.

I'm going to hang up my spurs for a day or two - do and (try to) think nothing photographic. Try and distance myself from what has been occupying my thoughts and time of late and to get some air.